Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
