Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize