Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
