sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
