I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
