I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize