Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
