Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
