roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
