this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
