CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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