i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize