Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
