So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize