you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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