One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
