I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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