Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i now understand why vodka
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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