OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
