Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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