just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Girls should come with a carfax report
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
