PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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