omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
