We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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