I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
