my vag is so smooth its legendary
someone owes me an orgasm
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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