I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
