I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
