I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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