The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
