So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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