Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
