Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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