Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
