I CAN MOONWALK!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
