The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im holly from the hills drunk
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
