Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
But we have bathrooms and they dont
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
