Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
