I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
