too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
