thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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