Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
