Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
