how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
