Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
