Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize