I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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