Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
