well I can't set my house on fire every night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
