Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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