She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
