After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize