after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
