Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
