I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize