Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
