Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
