Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
