I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
