NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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