hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
