awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
