Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
