bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
