I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize