Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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