You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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