I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize