mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
