i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
